


Robbed

by Jenniboo311



Series: The ABCs of Spider-Man Identity Reveals [1]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Actress Mary Jane Watson, BAMF Peter Parker, F/M, Gunshot Wounds, Identity Reveal, Insinuated May Parker/Happy Hogan, Peter Parker can sing, Peter Parker is a Good Dad, Peter Parker is a Tired Dad, Protective Peter Parker, Robbery, Secret Identity, Secret Identity Fail, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, Spider-Man Interacting with New Yorkers, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, hostage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27032779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenniboo311/pseuds/Jenniboo311
Summary: "You're going to kindly donate your valuables to our fundraiser, and you're going to do it quickly and without chatter. Or else I'm gonna have to make a mess and I don't really feel like messing up my shoes today."--Peter spends a wonderful day in the city with his family when the worst possible thing happens. His family is threatened while surrounded by watching eyes. Keeping his identity a secret isn't even an afterthought, this man just laid hands on his daughter. He picked the wrong family to mess with.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson
Series: The ABCs of Spider-Man Identity Reveals [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983811
Comments: 74
Kudos: 473
Collections: Absolute Faves, All Your (and My) Capable Smart BAMF Peter Parker Needs, Spider-Man Public Identity Reveal, escapism (to forget that the world is a burning hellscape)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will eventually be part of a series of different kinds of Spidey identity reveals. This one is near the middle of the series, but I'm posting it now because I'm a slut for your views and comments and I haven't gotten the inspiration to write the first few in order yet. So make sure to subscribe to me if identity reveals are your bread and butter. Also check out my other two series', Hot Ones, and Social Butterfly Spidey, if social media fics are your thing.

"Hands up where I can see them!"

It had been a lovely day. Peter had actually managed to sleep in until eight on a Sunday morning for the first time in about four months, and his loving wife Mary Jane had cooked a large breakfast of pancakes and bacon and scrambled eggs while he had helped their four year old daughter, May, or Mayday as they affectionately called her for her penchant for getting into trouble, get ready for the day.

They visited the museum of Natural History where Mayday was fascinated by the dinosaurs and pleaded with her parents to be able to take one home, which started a twenty-five minute argument on why that wasn't possible, Mayday, that would be stealing and anyway where would we even fit a twenty foot skeleton in our two bedroom, 664 square foot townhouse? May didn't know the answer to that, nor did she care, and would only let it go when Peter promised her ice cream at Soft Swerve after lunch as a bribe. Don't judge, okay? Sometimes parenting is about the small victories and they even managed to make it out of the building before she saw the exhibit on the Alaska Brown Bear or else there'd have been a meltdown of epic proportions and they'd already gotten enough judge-y stares that morning, thank you very much. So that could have gone better, but she's four years old and still learning about entitlement and had stopped crying by the time they left, so at least they didn't have to get the police called on them for hauling a bawling youngster from a museum filled with families in what would undoubtedly look like the world's most poorly planned child abduction.

It was lunchtime, so they stop at Sarabeth's on Amsterdam Avenue so May can have fluffy French toast smothered in syrup and strawberries even though she had pancakes for breakfast because she had obviously inherited Peter's black hole of a stomach and because breakfast is for every meal, Daddy.

They enjoy conversation about Peter's latest project at Stark Industries where he works in Research & Development with his biochemistry degree under Tony Stark, though it's hush hush and he can only talk about it in vague terms while out in public, and Mary Jane talks about her current show, where she plays one of the leads, Roxie, in Chicago on Broadway. Peter had sacrificed Spider-Man patrol six times so far in the last two months to go see her perform, and brought her flowers every single time that never failed to make her blush despite their five years of marriage and their nearly twelve years together.

MJ was halfway through her Cobb salad, and he, his sirloin burger with fries, and was pretending not to see Mayday pinching off pieces of his cinnamon bun when he felt a jolt in the back of his neck like a bolt of electricity, warning him of incoming danger. It wasn't an uncommon feeling for him, what with being Spider-Man and being almost constantly in danger, but it was not a feeling he expected while eating lunch with his family out of costume.

He tenses and his eyes flick to the doorway of the restaurant seconds before four men with baseball caps covering their hair and bandanas over their lower faces burst in and lock the doors, spreading throughout the room. The patrons go silent, watching fearfully as the men pull handguns from the waists of their baggy pants and hold them up threateningly so everyone can see.

"Hands up where I can see them."

Most don't hesitate to put their hands up in surrender, though a few resist until the nearest crook catches sight of them and raises their gun menacingly and they quickly lose whatever resistance they had. Peter is one of the last, and raises his hands before he can draw attention to his family. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the teenager near the back of the room carefully put his phone down, propped against his water glass and mostly hidden by a ketchup bottle, no doubt filming or live streaming. Peter wishes he could shake the kid for risking so much for such a stupid stunt. Four grown men don't hit up a restaurant midday on a Sunday for loot unless they're desperate or not all there. Perhaps both a little of column A and a little of column B.

"Good afternoon," the one nearest to Peter drawls, drawing their attention. "To all the tourists, welcome to New York." The men who accompanied him snicker. "To everyone else, you probably know the drill. Do what we say and nobody has to get hurt."

The men swing duffel bags down off their shoulders and toss them down on the tables nearest to each of them, unzipped.

"You're going to kindly donate your valuables to our fundraiser, and you're going to do it quickly and without chatter. Or else I'm gonna have to make a mess and I don't really feel like messing up my shoes today."

Several of the people in the room immediately get to work emptying purses and tossing in wallets while others try and fail at holding in their sobs as they clutch their wedding rings and other items of sentimental value.

May, who is the youngest in the room by at least ten years, immediately picks up on the atmosphere of terror, and not understanding how to handle it, bursts into tears. The attention immediately focuses on their little family, exactly what Peter didn't want to happen, and he and MJ surge forward to shush and comfort her as best they can.

"I said hands up!" The crook shouts at Peter and MJ, and they have no choice but to sit back in their chairs and raise their hands once more while their daughter wails in fright and tears roll down her pinched face. Peter's heart shatters.

"Shut her up!"

Peter unclenches his teeth long enough to glare and bite out, "She's four years old. She's frightened. You're frightening her. And I tried to calm her but you won't let me. You can't have it both ways."

"I'll have it whatever way I want it," he seethes, pulling back the hammer on the gun with a click that echoes throughout the room and points it at Peter's forehead from across the table that causes his Spidey sense to scream in his brain and the patrons to gasp in horror. Peter's eyes narrow with dislike and, not getting the fearful response he was looking for, the thief turns the gun on May, sitting in front of him, and grabs her by the top of her wavy auburn hair, half pulling out her pigtails and making her screech louder. Peter surges to his feet and his hands fall to his sides, fists clenching so hard his knuckles crack. A deadly expression freezes his face, the likes of which nobody who knows him has ever seen cross such a mild mannered man.

"Let her go," Peter says evenly in a dangerous voice, not breaking eye contact once even to blink.

"I think we need a demonstration of who's in charge here today," the crook says, ignoring Peter's warning.

"I won't repeat myself. Trust me when I say you've picked the wrong family to mess with," Peter says, taking calming breaths through his nose as best he can, making his nostrils flare and jaw flex. Steady Peter. Pick your moment.

The man huffs a derisive snort out through his nose and makes a huge mistake by taking his eyes off Peter to signal the nearest crook forward to restrain Peter. Before the guy can take even a step, and ignoring the watching eyes and filming devices, he taps the bands on his wrists together to activate his web shooters and shoots a web at the gun to his daughter's head to yank it towards himself while simultaneously using his other hand to shoot a web at his head. Disarmed and distracted, he lets go of May and staggers back to slam into the locked door, ripping at the sticky strands of web covering his face. Catching the gun, the vigilante wastes no time and in an impressive looking move that speaks of experience, disarms the gun and it falls to pieces with a clatter.

The hero spins around to assess the next threat and he is met with both criminals and civilians alike, gaping at him. The muffled struggling sounds from the guy behind him are the only sounds in the room besides May's heart wrenching sobbing and gasping. At the look on his stony face, in stark contrast to Spider-Man's usual chipper, unflappable and quipping nature, all three remaining criminal's faces morph into one of incredible remorse. Peter looks each one in the eye, one after the other and as the third one groans with trepidation he gives him a small nod as if to say, 'I told you you picked the wrong family.'

After an uncomfortable moment of silence in which Peter effortlessly intimidates the remaining crooks by doing absolutely nothing at all, the guy closest to the hero twitches with the barest thought of raising his weapon and Peter stalks forward. He gets his weapon raised maybe halfway before Peter turns in a roundhouse kick and successfully nails the gun, sending it at the wall which he follows up with a shot of web to stick it securely without even looking. The criminal looks exceptionally nervous by this point so Peter pretends to lunge threateningly at him and he stumbles backwards, trips, and cracks his head on a table edge on the way down knocking him clean out. A stream of web secures him to the floor.

May panicks at the sudden violence and makes a commotion trying to get up from her chair to get to her mother, who also staggers to her feet to reach for her, and it spooks the second remaining thief. Without thinking, he raises his weapon and fires in the direction of the disturbance straight at MJ. Quicker than a blink, already sensing the danger before it happens, the arachnid jumps in front of the bullet, arm raised to protect his head, and the bullet lodges in the meat of his right bicep to a chorus of screams.

The guy regards the weapon in his hand with horror, obviously not an experienced criminal and never having intended to actually shoot it. Peter shoots a web that secures the weapon to the guy's chest, pointing at the ceiling to keep from being able to shoot anyone else. The remaining guy behind him comes to his senses and immediately drops his weapon, raising his hands in surrender. Peter appreciates the gesture, but still feels vindictive enough to shoot a trip mine above him, which immediately sucks him up to hang uncomfortably from the ceiling with a yelp and his hat falling to the floor. Turning back to the man who shot him, without wasting even a second, the vigilante shoots a strand at his chest and he yanks him forward to plant a right hook in his face with a terrible sound of fist meeting flesh, struggling to remember to pull his punch. The offender falls across a family of four's table to land in the macaroni, unconscious but regretfully alive. The family scoot their chairs back in panic, shouting in fright.

With a painful scream, the first guy manages to rip most of the web away from his face, taking a large portion of beard and eyebrows with it to Peter's vicious satisfaction. The man yells, incoherent with rage, and yeah, Peter can definitely relate. He decides not to engage him up close, not feeling particularly confident in his ability to pull punches with this man who had put hands on his child, and launches a trip mine just to the left of the front door. It sucks him backwards, conscious, but utterly trapped.

"Daddy!" May sobs desperately and flings herself at her father.

Peter turns and crouches down to catch her and she squeezes him around the neck as tight as her little arms will go, fat tears rolling down her ruddy cheeks. He's not sure he'll be able to let her go ever again after this. He stands and cradles her gently, shushing her soothingly and stroking the back of her tangled hair and studiously avoids thinking about all the cell phone cameras now being pointed at him. Later. Deal with that later. Pretend they're not there. Your daughter needs you now. He bounces her as she wails and everyone in the room feels their heart break watching her cry her eyes out.

"I've got you, baby girl. I'll never let anything happen to you. I love you so much. I've got you."

The sound of his voice murmuring in her ear eventually calms her down and she hiccups sadly as he encourages her to straighten for a moment so he can wipe her face and help her blow her nose with a mostly clean tissue from his pocket.

He presses his lips to her forehead and lingers there, with his eyes closed, as he wrestles the adrenaline down and basks in the knowledge that she's safe. He turns his head and presses her forehead to his cheek instead so he can take a deep breath in through his nose and let it out through his mouth, expelling the majority of his nerves.

Mary Jane approaches and rubs their backs soothingly before making a motion to take their daughter to give Peter a breather and deal with the ongoing situation but he immediately pulls away.

"Pete?" MJ asks cautiously, looking confused.

"MJ," Peter breathes out through his nose and clenches his jaw tightly. He reaches up to cradle Mayday's head so one ear is covered by his hand, his gold wedding ring glinting in the fluorescent lights overhead, and the other is pressed against his chest so she can't hear his next words. He continues to speak, voice wavering and struggling to remain calm, "I've never killed anyone in cold blood in my entire life. That's not who I am. That's not who I want to be." He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to ground himself, "But if I put down my baby girl, MJ, so help me God I'm going to kill that man."

The silence in the room was such that you could hear a pin drop. After an uncomfortable moment Peter opens his eyes and stares into the heartbroken and understanding gaze of his wife.

"He put a gun to my baby's head, MJ."

Peter releases his daughter's ears and kisses the top of her head as she continues to sniffle sadly.

"I know Tiger. But you took care of it. You always do," MJ says quietly.

At the sound of MJ's voice, May turns her head to look at her mother and reaches out a sticky hand to her. MJ grasps it with a sad smile.

"Mommy," May says mournfully.

"You stay with daddy right now, baby." She meets Peter's eyes and says pointedly, "Save him from himself, hey? We wouldn't want to do anything we might regret later."

"Mmkay," she answers back, not understanding the gravity of the situation, and tucks her head under Peter's chin and fiddles with the neck of his tshirt.

"Oh, give it a break," the crook webbed to the wall complains loudly, "If I had known I'd be stuck listening to this shit I'd have just pulled the damn trigger from the get go."

Peter snarls in a truly frightening manner and the surrounding crowd gasps and recoils as he begins to advance in the crook's direction until Mary Jane plants herself firmly in his path and refuses to move until he meets her eyes. Once he eventually does so, after looking over her shoulder and attempting murder with his eyes alone, she shakes her head slowly in a warning and he masters himself once more. Another deep breath and he turns around to march several paces away, back towards the crowd who now watch him warily.

Mary Jane spins around at the sound of the crook's derisive snort and marches up to him to get in his face. "Yeah, he's not joking," she hisses, coming across far more threatening than anyone that small and petite in stature should be. "You have the right to remain silent. It would be in your best interests to do so, or I'm not sure I can stop my husband from popping your head off your shoulders next time like a bottle of champagne." She spins around after watching his face pale satisfyingly and tosses back over her shoulder, "And I'm not sure I even want to."

Several of the people in the crowd relax as she puts some distance between herself and the crook and approaches her husband and daughter. MJ finally notices the red staining the sleeve on his right shoulder, slowly growing larger.

"Oh, Pete," she says sadly, touching his elbow gently below the wound. "You're hurt."

He grunts, as though he's not particularly concerned. "Not important, at the moment."

"And this is where we disagree, Tiger. Hold still."

She gently tugs the material away from the wound, cringing as the blood sticks it to his skin, and pushes the short sleeve up over his shoulder and holds it with one hand. Without the material soaking it up, the bullet wound weeps more blood, rolling sluggishly down his bicep. A couple of the younger and more squeamish people in the crowd avert their eyes and turn their heads with various distressed noises.

"Em," he complains, attempting to pull away while she digs through her purse one handed.

"Peter, I swear to God if you fight me on this I will make life very difficult for you," she threatens evenly without looking up. "Been a while since you spent a night on the couch, hmm? Maybe you'd like to experience that again, get a refresher?"

Peter rolls his eyes and looks helplessly at the ceiling. "Seriously," he begins, only to be cut off.

"Oh I'm perfectly serious. I know men only think with one thing, Peter Benjamin Parker, and Spider-Man is no exception."

Several of the older people in the room snicker at the faint blush that springs up on the web-slinger's cheeks, and he finds himself trying to bite back his guilty smile in spite of himself. "Yeah, yeah. Get on with it then. You win, as always."

"Of course I win. I'm not going to let you bleed all over the place for no reason. And once your healing factor kicks in you'll be healing over the bullet and then you'll be in even bigger trouble." She gives the wound a quick glance. "We don't have much time, the bleeding is already slowing. I know you know this, you're just being an idiot and you don't like people seeing you hurt because you think it shatters their image of superheroes being infallible and you want them to feel safe. Ah hah!" Mary Jane brandishes the tweezers she was digging for and goes back to digging around for something else.

Peter groans in displeasure as she somewhat viciously looks to the watching crowd and says, "News at eleven, superheroes are people too and bleed red like the rest of us."

"Alright, Em, everybody's traumatized enough. Let's not try to make it worse."

Mary Jane locates the small bottle of hand sanitizer and let's go of Peter's sleeve to apply it liberally on the tweezers. Once finished, she pulls up the sleeve again and puts a healthy dollop on the wound, prompting the vigilante to cringe and hiss with discomfort. The gel immediately melts upon contact with his warm skin and mixes with the blood to slide down his arm and drip from his elbow to the linoleum below in a bloody mess.

"It's not an ER, but this is the best I can offer you. Put our daughter down, Peter."

He hesitates, finding the simple request difficult, but ultimately complies. "Hey sweetheart, you left your friend back at the table. He looks lonely. Why don't you go over and get him?" Peter prompts May reluctantly, and sets her down when she nods her head quietly.

Once she's no longer looking at her parents, MJ holds out a thin leather wallet that she digs out of her purse and Peter wastes no time before clenching it between his teeth.

"Deep breath, Tiger."

Peter does as she says and Mary Jane swiftly jabs the tweezers into the bullet hole. He makes a noise like a wounded animal and his face grimaces in pain as she digs around as fast as she can. After a particularly painful jolt the hand from his good arm reaches out of its own volition and grasps the back of a nearby chair to try to ground himself but with a deafening crack the chair splinters into pieces.

May grabs her stuffed Iron Man toy and cautiously skirts around a couple strangers, who are now cautiously beginning to stand up and hug each other with dizzy relief, and begins her trek back to her parents. An older lady nearby with two teen boys sees that any second she will see what her parents are doing and will likely be traumatized even more than she already is and quickly distracts her in whatever way she can.

"Hey, sweetie, you look hungry. I've got a granola bar in my bag. Would you like it? It's strawberry. Do you like strawberries?"

May looks up at her shyly through her eyelashes and curls a stand of red hair around her finger but doesn't answer.

"Don't you like strawberry?" The lady asks, glancing up over May's head to see Mary Jane pull the bullet out of Peter's flesh, a new surge of blood gushing to the floor.

"Not s'posed ta take things from strangers," May whispers, pulling the strand of hair in front of her face to hide.

"Oh," stammers the woman, not having thought of that. "Uh, yes. Very good, that's good. That's a good thing to learn. You should never take things from strangers." She awkwardly meets the eyes of several bystanders, silently asking for what to do now but gets several shrugs in return.

"Not s'posed to talk to them, either," May says, tapping her toe on the floor and beginning to turn away.

"It's okay, baby. We can make an exception just this once," MJ says, walking forward and hurriedly cleaning her red stained hands on a handkerchief the best she can and stuffing it in her purse.

Behind her, Peter is turned away to hide his arm, wrapping it securely with a strip of material a tourist had donated to him made from a novelty t-shirt they had just purchased. He sets off in the direction of the washrooms to wash the worst of the gore off so as not to scare May.

"Go on, and make sure you remember your manners," MJ encourages her daughter kindly.

May creeps forward, looking bashful, and accepts the bar from the woman. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," the woman says, smiling warmly at her, causing May to duck her head and run back to cling to Mary Jane's legs.

"Thank you," Mary Jane says pointedly, making it clear she was thanking her for more than the granola bar.

The woman flutters her hands at MJ with a light blush dusting her cheeks, feeling flustered. "Nonsense. I think the real thanks here should go to your husband. He has helped a lot of people, and I'm not taking about just here today."

MJ's face softens at the mention of Peter and she smiles warmly at the mother of two. "That's just Peter being Peter. He's dedicated his entire life to helping others. He doesn't expect your thanks, but I appreciate that you appreciate him. People haven't always appreciated him, you know? He's had it rough at times."

A man in a business suit standing to their left pipes up, disgruntled, "Yeah, that Daily Bugle is filled to the brim with nothing but degenerates."

"And that Jameson is the biggest clown of them all," the man's wife pipes up decisively. The majority of the crowd nods along or titters in agreement.

"Talking about my biggest fan?" Peter asks, walking back to the group with a smirk, wiping the last of the water on his hands on his thighs.

"You ain't seen nothing yet," MJ murmurs, amused. "Wait until he gets word of who you really are."

Peter thinks about it for a second and then chuckles.

The bystanders furrow their eyebrows and cock their heads in puzzlement, trading confused looks before a young woman around Peter's age yells, "Oh my God, she said your name was Peter Parker! You're the photographer! You're on basically all the photo credits of Spider-Man!" Her friend gives her a baffled look and she mutters, defensively, "What? I'm a Spider-Man fan, so sue me. The Daily Bugle articles are obviously garbage but the pictures of Spidey are lit!"

Peter nods at her with a devilish smirk. "When I was in college a few years back I was pretty broke. It was hard holding down a part time job being a superhero on the side. It made me unreliable and employers aren't especially fond of that. So out of desperation I started contracting, taking photos of Spider-Man and selling them to Jameson."

"Oh my God," the young woman says with glee.

"Yep, Jameson was paying me to take selfies."

They all laugh, and marvel at how normal he seems as a civilian excepting the part where he obliterated a chair just moments ago.

"That's amazing," another young man gushes, obviously not much of a fan of Jameson.

"Yeah, I'm expecting he'll have an aneurysm and I'll be getting a very loud, very angry phone call. So, business as usual I guess." Peter smirks again and pulls out his smart phone from his right jeans pocket after feeling it buzz for the millionth time in five minutes. After a few swipes from his finger his smirk disappears.

"Pete? Pete, honey, what's wrong?" May Jane asks, concerned.

The superhero sighs. "It's blowing up, it's getting around way more quickly than I thought it would. #Spider-DILF is trending on Twitter, what the-" Peter trails off, looking mortified.

"Spider-DILF?" Mary Jane repeats, looking extremely amused as several bystanders laugh and not so subtly eye the vigilante up.

'Spider-Man is my neighbor!', Peter sees one of the headlines pop up suddenly and he has a moment of realization that everyone he loves is now a target. "Shit," he suddenly exclaims, looking concerned as he taps on the screen for Aunt May's home phone and puts it to his ear. "Come on, come on, pick up." The phone rings several times and he waits in suspense until the answering machine kicks in and he hangs up in frustration. He taps the contact for her cell phone instead and tries again to no success.

"Karen, track May Parker's cell phone right away," he says urgently, speaking at the smart watch on his left wrist. A couple people glance, confused, at his young daughter and wonder why she would need a phone at four years old and why he would need to track it when she's right here.

"Tracking," a slightly robotic sounding female voice answers from the watch's speaker.

He taps on Tony's contact in his phone and listens in suspense as it rings and rings and curses quietly when nobody answers.

"Karen, I need Tony right away, he's not answering."

The AI pauses while she processes the request, "I'm sorry, Peter, but Mr. Stark is marked as do not disturb."

He pinches the bridge of his nose in aggravation and breathes out heavily. Shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning.

"Override, code blue," Peter bites out.

"Code blue initiated."

"Peter?" Mary Jane quietly asks in the ensuing silence and bites her lip.

Peter turns his head to return her worried gaze and hesitantly says, "My civilian identity is out and Aunt May isn't answering her phone. I've got a lot of enemies, MJ. She's not answering her phone."

"Mommy," May tugs on Mary Jane's shirt, causing both parents to look at her, concerned, "Can we get ice cweam now?"

"Soon, baby. Mommy and Daddy still have to take care of some grown up things here first." MJ picks her up to balance on one hip and moves away from Peter to distract her from the developing situation. Hearing Peter talk about Aunt May being missing would surely upset her and avoiding another meltdown today was a solid plan.

"Peter?!" Tony Stark's panicked voice blares from his smart watch. "FRIDAY said code blue, what the f-"

"Yes, code blue. She wasn't mistaken. But forget about what that means for me right now, I can't get ahold of Aunt May. And I need a safe house for her and MJ and Mayday. Please?"

"You got it. FRIDAY, make it happen. Find my closest safe house and make sure it's stocked," Tony orders his AI.

"Right away, boss," she answers promptly in her Irish lilt.

"Peter, I'm so sorry-" Tony murmurs quietly only to be interrupted by Karen.

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Stark. Peter, I've tracked May Parker's phone. It is currently traveling at high speed towards Stark tower. It appears she is in the company of Harold Hogan."

"Happy?!" Peter exclaims, relieved.

"Patch him in, FRI," Tony wastes no time ordering.

They wait while it rings a few times before Happy answers, sounding terribly high strung.

"Hello?!"

"Happy! Is Aunt May with you?!"

"Shit, kid, I'm so sorry. We were together when it hit the news. May packed a quick bag and we bolted. It's only a matter of time before Spider-Man's childhood address leaks and we'll have your entire villain gallery parading past."

"That's what I was worried about. Thank you Happy, I owe you one." He finally feels like he can take a breath and he wipes the nervous sweat covering his palms on his jeans.

"I'll keep that in mind next time you're yapping my ear off. It's Peter," he says sarcastically, the last part coming in distantly as he speaks to the other occupant of the car.

"Peter, honey, I'm fine. Don't worry! We're heading to safety now. We'll wait for you there. Concentrate on what's going on over there, okay? Bring MJ and Mayday back safely," Aunt May pipes in from a distance.

"You know I will," Peter reassures her. "Stay safe, I love you."

"I love you too."

Happy disconnects from the call but Tony remains, "I have alerts set up to let me know when things like this hit the internet. Why wasn't I informed? How are there so many headlines already, this only happened minutes ago."

"We've got a few people live streaming over here, I didn't have a chance keeping this a secret," Peter answers, and the videographers hunch their shoulders in embarrassment at getting called out but the chance to film the story of the year is too great to stop.

"If I may, boss," FRIDAY interjects. "You gave the command an hour ago to silence my alerts except in the event of life or death, so you did not receive the news alerts. As Peter handled the altercation and their lives were no longer in danger, it did not meet the criteria for me to override your request. You did, however, receive five voice mails from Harold Hogan in the past three minutes. Would you like me to play them in sequence?"

Tony sighs heavily, "No, that's not necessary, I think that ship sailed. Thank you, FRIDAY. Pete, what happened? Is everyone okay?"

Peter looks over at MJ entertaining their daughter and feels his heart clench at what could have been.

"Yeah," his voice cracks, "Yeah, everyone's fine. I got a GSW to the shoulder but the bullet's out."

Tony curses to himself.

"They had a gun to May's head, Tony. They had a gun to my baby's head," Peter continues, getting choked up.

"Who do I need to kill?" Tony fires back viciously. "FRIDAY, get me CCTV footage ASAP, I need names and faces-"

"FRIDAY, belay that," Peter immediately interrupts.

"FRIDAY-"

"Tony! We're okay. Anything you do at this point isn't going to change what happened here today. Leave it. Let the Justice system have them. We need you now and you can't help us from the inside of a federal prison."

Tony sighs heavily and the silence lingers for several uncomfortable moments. "Where's my Mayday? I wanna talk to her."

"Mayday," the vigilante raises his voice so his wife and daughter can hear, in addition to the crowd that has been hanging off every word until now, "Come over, someone wants to talk to you."

They approach and Peter says, "Go ahead."

Tony takes his cue and says, gently, "How's my sugar plum doing? Heard you had a rough day."

May's face promptly lights up and she shouts, excitedly, "Poppy!"

The watching crowd trade surprised looks at hearing Tony Stark being called a grandfather.

May launches into a retelling of all the things she did that day including the pancakes she had for breakfast and the chocolate bar her dad had snuck her when her mom's back was turned, to which MJ frowns heavily and the watching crowd laughs as Peter smiles back at her uneasily.

"I don't know what she's talking about," Peter tries valiantly.

"Zip it."

"Yes, ma'am," he replies looking contrite and biting the inside of his lip to furiously contain his grin lest he meet a swift end at the hands of his wife.

"I'm going to see you soon, okay, Cuddle Bug?" Tony says with a tender voice nobody but his family had ever heard before.

"Okay, I love you, Poppy."

"I love you too, baby. Peter, we'll talk when you get here. I'll call my lawyers, they'll be here by the time you arrive and we can discuss next steps."

"Okay, thanks," Peter replies, sounding dejected at the reminder of the legal battle he would possibly be facing now as a known vigilante.

"Don't sound so depressed, Underoos. Just got a message from Hill. Shield is interfering with law enforcement as we speak. You won't be arrested on our watch. We've got you, okay? You've saved our asses too many times to count, let us have your back this time."

Peter closes his eyes, feeling emotional.

"Okay," he whispers.

"Okay," Tony repeats. "Talk soon."

A click signifies the call disconnecting and Peter gathers himself together for the sake of his little family.

"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart," MJ tells her daughter in the silence, "You've been very brave and patient today."

May beams and squeezes her doll tight but Peter and MJ start whispering to each other and she starts to look bored after a few moments of not being the center of attention.

A college girl steps forward to kneel down next to May and try to offer some distraction.

"I see you've got Iron Man there, huh?" The young woman asks, pointing at her stuffed toy and looking up at Peter to give him a coy look. "Who's your favorite superhero?"

MJ and Peter stop their discussion to watch.

May nods furiously, "I'on Man!" She hugs the toy tightly.

The crowd sputters with laughter, expecting her to say Spider-Man. Peter clutches his chest as though he's been shot and dramatically puts a hand to his forehead. "Betrayed by my flesh and blood."

"Does she know-" the girl starts to ask, before she's cut off quickly by MJ's, "No. It's a big secret to expect a toddler to uphold."

She looks around at the handful of people who think they are subtly filming the whole ordeal and corrects herself, "Well. It was a big secret. It's a little difficult to explain to a four year old. When she gets older, maybe. She doesn't understand how they can be two people. Iron Man is Iron Man and Tony Stark is Tony Stark. You know?"

The parents surrounding them nod in complete understanding.

"Oh God," Peter groans, "Please nobody tell Tony about this. I'll never hear the end of it. He's already insufferable that she said, 'pop', before she said, 'dad'."

MJ rolls her eyes and kneels down to get on her daughter's level. "What about Spider-Man, huh? You like him too, right? He's pretty great!"

"Mmmm," May says, thinking hard and tapping her chin thoughtfully with a tiny finger. "He's okay."

"What?!" Peter exclaims, twirling and marching away dramatically to a chorus of laughter and finally relaxing enough to exhibit a little of his goofy nature. "I can't believe the disrespect." He twirls and marches back before he makes it very far and demands, "What about on your birthday, when Spider-Man visited you? You said it was the best birthday ever, that Spidey was so cool and could jump really high."

May thinks on it, hiding her shy face at all the attention on her, and nods. "But that's afore I knew I'on Man had lazowes."

Peter's face falls, "Lasers."

"Yup," she exclaims happily, pointing her palms at him, "In his hands!"

"Hm. It's hard to compete with hand lasers," Peter deadpans and May nods sagely as the crowd titters. Peter looks at MJ and frowns at the amused look of pity she is giving him before looking back at his daughter. "Well, uh, what about the webs? Those are cooler than lasers, right?" He raises his eyebrows hopefully.

"M-mm," May disagrees, shaking her head.

Peter scratches the back of his neck and mutters, self consciously, " Maybe Spider-Man didn't get much input in this version of his suit. Maybe Iron Man is purposely keeping all the lasers to himself and is just greedy for your attention."

May blinks at him and smiles cluelessly.

"Spider-Man could have lasers if he wanted them," Peter mutters sullenly.

MJ laughs and slaps him gently on the hip as she gets to her feet, "Considering Spider-Man refuses to shoot people and can much more effectively talk them to death, I don't think they'd do him much good."

Peter sighs in defeat and looks down at his daughter who holds her arms up to him with a pleading look on her face. He promptly scoops her up to perch on his left hip and opens her granola bar when she holds it in front of her face. "Whatcha got here? Ooh, strawberry! Your fave. Did you say thank you?"

She nods distractedly and wastes no time chowing down, having only managed a couple bites of her lunch before it had all gone down.

"When can we get out of here?" A young man barely out of his teens complains.

"Dude! That's Spider-Man!" His friend whisper shouts, though everyone hears. "What is wrong with you? I hope we're stuck here all day! Nobody gets to see Spidey like this, this is crazy! How often do you get ten feet away from a superhero?!"

Peter chuckles despite himself, "It's only been a couple minutes, guys. Please keep being patient. The police are going to want everyone's statement and the paramedics will be here to check that everyone's okay. It shouldn't be much longer-"

Peter starts to half choke from May shoving a piece of bar into his open mouth as he speaks. The young men causing the outburst blush furiously at being heard and slink further back against the wall while he's distracted.

"Mayday, honey, what did we say about doing that to daddy?" MJ scolds, grabbing a fresh glass of water from a table and holding it out for him to take.

"Daddy looked hungry," She pouts, looking earnest and sad.

Peter slugs back some of the water and coughs painfully a few more times, face burning red from exertion.

"Thank you baby," he rasps out hoarsely to dispel the sad look on her face, "That's very thoughtful of you. But maybe ask next time first, okay? Daddy could have choked."

"Okay," she sighs.

"Oh my God," a teenager murmurs in disbelief, "I can't believe I ever thought Spider-Man was unapproachable. He's just a tired dad."

Peter hears it, of course, and laughs while simultaneously coughing into his fist.

The buzzing from his phone continues to get worse and in frustration fishes it out of his faded jeans and turns it off. He sighs heavily.

"Guess I won't be going in to work tomorrow. Hey Karen, contact my boss and let him know I won't be in tomorrow and that I need a personal day."

Karen evidently relays the message because after a moment she responds, "Mr. Stark says to stop being a sarcastic little shit, and that you're not allowed back at work until things are settled down. He pushed the stakeholder's meeting you both had tomorrow afternoon and gave command of your current project, codename Nautilus, to your intern."

Peter barks out a laugh, "Oh God, good luck with that. Please send my notes to Lopez and wish him my best."

"Affirmative, however current limitations in my programming prevent me from being able to convincingly portray sarcasm."

"I'm aware. He'll understand. And just to be clear, you and I both know I was the only one who would be attending that meeting tomorrow."

"Mr. Stark does have a suspicious amount of urgent affairs to address at the precise moment you are scheduled for a board meeting," Karen agrees. Peter grins.

"Work! Good point! Crap! I'll have to call in, my understudy will have to sub tonight. Oh they're gonna be pissed at the short notice," MJ moans, flicking through her own phone.

"I told you it was her," a young woman squeals to her bewildered boyfriend, shaking his arm excitedly and nearly putting it out of socket "It's Mary Jane Watson! She plays Roxie in Chicago on Broadway!"

MJ looks up at her name and smiles warmly at her fan, "Have you seen the show, then?"

"Yes, oh my God! You were incredible! Best Roxie I've seen, if you don't mind my saying so!"

"I don't mind that at all, that's so sweet, thank you!"

She clicks on the contact for her boss and steps away to make the call while the crowd murmurs amongst themselves at this new tidbit.

"Spider-Man married a smokin' hot actress? Can I please be a superhero in my next life because this is unfair," a young man with an ESU hoodie laments quietly, though not quietly enough.

Peter let's him know he heard by throwing him a wink and a tiny first pump with the hand not supporting his daughter and the bystanders who caught it titter as he grins.

"Daddy," May whines into his neck, "I'm bored."

"You're bored?" Peter repeats, casting his eyes around for something to entertain his four year old but finding nothing. "Uhh, well, that's great."

"It is?" May asks, confused as Mary Jane returns and gives her daughter an affectionate rub on her back to let her know she had returned.

"Yep! Because, uh," Peter draws out the word to give him more time to think of something, "I've been really wanting to sing this song, see, and I think you could help me with it." He shoots a grimace at MJ, who covers her grin but her eyes twinkle at him.

"I can?" May asks, perking up with excitement.

"Yeah, I think you might know this one! But you're gonna have to help me, okay? You ready?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, here we go! _I can hear you, but I won't. Some look for trouble while others don't._ "

"Yay, Frozen!" May squeals.

" _There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day, and ignore your whispers which I wish would go away, oh,_ " Peter croons to her with a beautiful vibrato, and raises his eyebrows pointedly at her.

" _Woah!_ " She chimes in, horribly off key but no less adorable causing MJ to laugh.

" _You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear. And if I heard you, which I don't, I'm spoken for I fear."_ Peter bobs gently side to side to jostle her around in a very dad-like dance causing her to giggle. _"Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls. I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls. I've had my adventure, I don't need something new. I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you._ "

Peter tweaks her nose causing her to giggle and she helps him belt out the chorus as MJ joins in with Peter in harmony, " _Into the unknown! Into the unknown! Into the unknown!_ "

They get through the majority of the song, to Peter's dismay, before May is satisfied.

"Daddy, that's my favorite!" May tells him in delight.

"It is?" He asks with an exaggerated gasp. "What a coincidence, Mayday, that's my favorite too! Wow!" The crowd chuckles, able to hear the lie though May doesn't know the difference. "I've only seen it about seven hundred times this year, why don't we watch it again when we get home?"

"Yay!" She squeals at a decibel that is truly painful for the enhanced arachnid and hugs him around the neck that makes everyone coo at the adorable moment. He smiles tenderly and hugs her back, cradling the back of her head with his hand.

"I love you baby girl," Peter says quietly to her, though everyone still hears.

"I love you too, daddy." She pulls away and gives him a smooch on the lips, causing him to smile so hard the corners of his eyes crinkle and the lingering stress in his face melts away.

The wail of sirens in the distance that only his sensitive ears can hear alerts him to the approach of the authorities.

"First responders incoming," Peter tells the room, to their relief, and also, strangely, to their dismay.

The video of plainclothes Spider-Man singing Frozen to his daughter is the one that ends up going the most viral, to Peter's chagrin. Later, watching her plead her case to her Poppy about why his lobby needs a twenty foot T-Rex skeleton and watching Tony consider the plea with a worrying amount of serious consideration, his heart puts itself back together again.

Worth it.


	2. Fallout

**Spider-Man Finally Unmasked**

New York has been in an uproar since yesterday afternoon, when the masked vigilante superhero known as Spider-Man was caught with his metaphorical pants down. Sources say he was enjoying a meal at a restaurant in the city around midday when a group of armed intruders forced their way in and barred the exits, demanding cash and valuables. He cooperated and maintained his cover until the intruders became violent. It didn't take long for everyone present to realize exactly who they were dealing with, and seeing Spider-Man's bare face was shocking enough, but the real shocker? Spider-Man's a dad!

Yes, that's right, he's a dad! Spider-Man has been revealed to be thirty-two year old Peter Parker, a senior biochemist working at Stark Industries directly under Tony Stark, from Queens, New York. Reportedly, he was enjoying a simple day out with his wife of six years, actress Mary Jane Parker nee Watson, of _Chicago on Broadway_ fame, and adorable four year old daughter, whose name and face have been withheld due to her status as a minor.

The vigilante was said to have remained calm during the altercation until the young Parker became frightened and began crying, provoking the leader to lose his composure and point a gun at her head when he didn't get the intimidated response he was looking for from Mr. Parker. Understandably, Mr. Parker took exception to this and threw his secret identity of the last eighteen years out the window to take care of business. All parties, bar the intruders, and Parker himself, were unharmed. A video, taken by one of the bystanders at the restaurant, shows Parker leap in front of a bullet meant for his wife. He was hit in the upper right shoulder, but with help from Mrs. Parker they removed the bullet and slowed the bleeding. Only moments later he is seen laughing and joking and appears relatively unaffected by his injury. Whether that was the case or just an act to put everyone at ease remains to be seen. Officials later reported that all intruders had been treated in hospital for minor injuries and released into their custody. They have been arrested and are currently awaiting charges.

* * *

**Luminous** @Luminous  
Ok so I took a nap for two hours and when I woke up I found out Spider-Man's a DILF?!  
|  
 **pudding** @pudding  
He's a total DILF  
|  
 **ChatoOomph** @ChatoOomph  
I'd call him daddy  
|  
 **Momentaneous** @Momentaneous  
Okay but consider the bondage possibilities with the webs  
|  
 **Diddlysquat** @Diddlysquat  
I wonder how good at shibari he is by now

\--

**Brabble** @Brabble  
I'd always hoped he was hot under that mask but kudos to him for exceeding expectations  
|  
 **Whirlybird** @Whirlybird  
He could cut me with that jaw  
|  
 **Aardwolf** @Aardwolf  
Can we also consider how unfairly attractive his wife is?  
|  
 **Schluffy** @Schluffy  
I can't believe he's been covering that face up for 20 years. Someone call the police, this man needs to be charged with cruelty

\--

**Brouhaha** @Brouhaha  
Okay so I'm no mathematician but if you consider that Spidey's been doing this for almost 20 years and he's only 32 right now, that means he started WHEN HE WAS 14?! WTFFFFF  
|  
 **DirigiblePlums** @DirigiblePlums  
I thought life was stressful at 14 when my mom asked me to call and order the pizza because she was too busy and I "should be able to do it by now" and now I'm questioning everything because becoming a secret crime fighting hero would be way worse

* * *

**Poppy Stark?**

Not only did we find out that Spider-Man's a father to an adorable little girl, but we found out that she sees Tony Stark as a grandfather and calls him, "Poppy"! How adorable is that?!

Upon investigation, Peter Parker, the civilian identity of Spider-Man that was revealed yesterday, has no actual familial ties to the billionaire superhero. They do, however, go way back to Peter's teen years where he reportedly had an internship with Iron Man himself. It looks as though it came about shortly after the first appearance of Spider-Man, so was it a legitimate internship or a cover for his secret life? Who knows! What we do know is that these two have been acquainted for a long time and neither one of them have much family left. How sweet is it that these two lovable heroes found family in each other?! Looks like Tony Stark isn't made of iron after all! Grandfatherhood looks good on you, Poppy Stark!

* * *

**Stark Tower Goes Prehistoric?**

In a bizarre move that further accentuates just how eccentric the rich and famous can be, Tony Stark has reportedly purchased and arranged for a forty foot Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton to loom over the lobby of Stark tower. Employees are rumored to be quite concerned for their fearless leader, as the remodeling came out of nowhere and has no ties to anything currently in production at Stark Industries.

"I think he's finally gone mad," one employee, who wished to remain anonymous, said. "What does a dinosaur even have to do with anything we do here?"

"I thought he was supposed to be sober these days," another remarks sadly, "Very disappointing."

Very disappointing, indeed, if that is the case. We sincerely hope Mr. Stark gets the help he needs and makes a full recovery soon.

Edit: We earlier reported that Stark purchased the dinosaur skeleton for display in his lobby. We have since learned that the skeleton is on loan from the Museum of Natural History in New York, after a generous donation of an unnamed amount, and that dinosaur skeletons are not for private purchase, even for Tony Stark.

* * *

**Spidey on Broadway!**

If you haven't seen the unmasking of New York's own superhero, Spider-Man, yet, you've been living under a rock. Everyone and their dog has reported on that by now, so we're not going to rehash and beat a dead horse. Go read some of those and then come back. What we do want to talk about: Spider-Man can sing?!

Spider-Man, aka Peter Parker, was caught on camera comforting his young daughter, who was traumatized by the robbery they were caught in that revealed the hero's true face. In true preschooler fashion, she quickly complained of being bored and the hero resorted to singing her favorite Disney tune to head off any meltdowns. Cue all our minds being blown.

Many quickly recognized Parker's wife, Mary Jane, as a Broadway star with impressive singing chops of her own, but nobody expected the voice that came out of our goofy, lovable spider. Singing Disney's, _Into the Unknown_ , from Frozen 2, he hit every note on key and treated our ears to a delightful eargasm. Eventually, his wife joined in harmony and we all cried with joy. Fans immediately took to social media, sharing the video and begging the vigilante to join his wife on Broadway. The tag, #SpideySings, is currently trending number two on Twitter. And hey, if superhero work doesn't pan out, maybe he can put out a record!

* * *

**Spider-Man** @NYCWallCrawler  
Everyone calm down, Tony still has as many marbles as he had yesterday (though, that's not to say he has a lot of them to begin with). My family visited the museum earlier in the day and my daughter became fixated on the dinosaur. When I said no, she begged Tony for one, and Tony is both highly suggestible and stupidly rich.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Don't forget to subscribe to me if you want to see the other fics in this series once it becomes a series. If you liked it, feel free to leave me a kudos or a comment. Tell me what you liked! Leave me a quote of your fave part! Or, let me know if you reread it! Also let me know if you'd like to read a little more about Dad!Peter in this little universe and I'll consider expanding this one-shot. I love and am thankful for each and every one of you. Thanks for reading!
> 
> On a side note, Peter Hollens does a lovely cover of Into the Unknown, and I like to picture that's how Peter sings it in my head!
> 
> I've just started tumblr, @jenniboo311. I'll be occasionally posting sneak peeks and stuff, so feel free to come find me! :)


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